The Unwanted
by ChibiLeviAckerman
Summary: I'm the quite one in the back of the class. The one no one talks too, the weird smart kid. The one everyone bullies, and is always picked last. I'm the loner, the outcast. The unwanted. (Rated T for later sexual things and violence) Jearmin
1. Prologue

A ten year old Armin Sat curled up in a ball behind the couch. Crying softly as he listened to the sound of his drunk father throwing around empty beer bottles at the wall, causing them to shatter.

"Where the hell are you, you little shit?!"

Armin whimpered, covering his ears with his tiny hands. Taking in shaky breaths as his father continued to scream for him. It had been like this for months now, ever since his mother had died, Armin's father had been going out to bars and returning home drunk to beat the boy until he was near death. Sometimes, Armin had a few days of peace, when his father wouldn't come home for days, sometimes weeks.

Those days where his favorite. He wouldnt have to lie, and cover up injuries from his friends, he didn't have to worry about messing up and earning a beating, even if he knew he deserved them.

Oh, Armin knew he deserved to be beat.

He knew he deserved to be punched and kicked, he knew he deserved to be slapped and yanked around.

He knew.

Because he had killed his mother.

At least, that's what his father told him.

It was his fault she took those sleeping pills, ot was his fault she didn't want to live anymore. It was all his fault, just like all his dad's other problems where.

It was his fault his dad drank, it was his fault his dad lost his job. It was his fault his dad couldn't pay the bills. It was his fault. Everything wrong in this world was Armin's fault.

And Armin knew that.

So, when the ten year old was yanked from behind the couch, he didn't struggle. He took every kick, punch, and slap without so much as a sound. He didn't protest, as his father lifted him off the ground, and shook him violently. Yelling about how he ruined his life, how he was a mistake, and should if never have been born.

Oh, Armin already knew.

His father threw him against a wall, and Armin slumped down. Staring blankly up at his father. Armin knew what he was, he knew exactly.

He was unwanted.


	2. Five years later

Armin's POV

I sat down in the back if the class as the bell rang for first period to begin. It was the first day of my Sophomore year, and I was completely alone. My two bestfriends, Mikasa and Eren, had moved to Japan over the summer.

So I was completely alone.

I sighed, pulling out a blue spiral notebook, jotting down three tally marks. I had thought about it again, so I deserved three more cuts.

Looking up, I scanned the face of my English teacher. She was an older lady, in her mid sixties or early seventies. She had silver hair pulled into a tight bun on top of her head, and very visible frown lines.

She must be a joy to have around.

That was mean.

Two more tally's.

I sighed, putting my head down on my desk. Wincing as my ribs screamed in protest, as the bruises from last night's beating sent a spike of pain through my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to calm my breathing as Tears threatened to fall. I wasn't going to cry on the first day of school. I wasn't. I'm not starting the year of embarrassing myself-

"Mr. Arlert!"

My head shot up, causing my ribs to scream again. I let out a small whimper, flinching at the sharp glare the teacher shot at me.

"Have a nice nap?" She asked coldly, crossing her arms.

A few people in the back Snicker.

Four Tally's for causing a scene, three for making people laugh at me.

"Well?"

I looked at the desk, tears threatening to spill over. Come on Armin, don't cry. Be strong, don't earn yourself more tallies.

She glared at me, before continuing to go down the row.

I met out a breath, leaning back in my chair. Happy to have not earned myself anymore tallies. I jotted down a few notes from the board, when I felt Something hit the back of my head.

Looking down at the folded piece of paper that had hit me, and landed on my desk, I bit my lip. I slowly unfolded it, reading over the scrawled handwriting.

That was enough to get to me, I felt the tears spill over, dropping the note onto my desk. Slowly sliding down into my chair, covering my face with my hands. Quietly sobbing, thinking about what the note said.

"What does a baby piglet and Armin have in common?"

"A: both of there mothers where sent to the slaughter."

A/N: I promise, chapters will get longer. I'm just trying to introduce the plot first.


	3. Jean

I wiped my eyes as the bell rang, signaling the end of first period. Gathering my things, I pulled up the good of my thin grey hoodie. Trying not to draw attention to myself as I made my way out the door, and to my second class.

I sighed, hugging myself as I trudged towards the art room. Biting my lip at the thought of what people will say about my horrible drawing skills.

Sadly, it was either this or gym.

I winced, imagining the Dodge ball crashing against my already bruised ribs. The laughter as I couldn't keep up while running laps. The coach screaming at me, because I couldn't climb the rope.

Yeah, I'm glad I chose art.

Walking in slowly, I found a seat in the back corner. The teacher, a short lady, looking to be in her early twenties, with chin length blonde hair, was writing our drawing prompt on the board.

She turned, a warm smile on her face. Scanning the room of children, she clasped her hands together and began.

"Hello class, my name is Mrs. Ral, but you may all call me Petra." She walked around the room as she talked, looking at notepads and pencils on the students desks.

"Now, before we begin. I want you all to know, that you are all artists, and that all your drawings are good. No matter how bad you think you are, how many times you start over. All your art is beautiful, and you are all talent."

Clearly, she hadn't seen my art yet.

"For our first drawing prompt of the year, we will be doing a free draw. You can draw whatever you want, use whatever materials make you happy."

Many students perked up at that. High fiving there buddies, and bragging about what they where going to draw.

I sighed, pulling out a black note pad and a pencil. Sketching out a drawing silently, my hood still up.

Slowly, my pencil strokes got faster. Glaring at the drawing, I continued. I drew fast, and didn't stop. Didn't register what I was even drawing. Just that I hated it.

When I finished, I looked down. There was a little boy on the paper, his eyes wide, and full of tears. Tally marks made up his ripped hoodie, and his shorts. His nose was broken, and bleeding. His lip split, hand prints bruised into his neck.

I stared, realizing why I hated the boy in the drawing so much.

The boy was me.

I continued to stare, hands shaking slightly. I could feel the tears threatening to form. C'mon Armin, you already cried once at school today. Don't do it again.

"I like your drawing."

I flinched, my head shooting up. Eyes locking with the Hazel ones staring back at me.

"W-what?..."

"I like your drawing." He said, slowly, as if I couldn't understand English.

The boy had a long face, and hazel eyes. He had brown hair, and sported an undercut. His eyes shined with annoyance, as if he didn't want to be talking with me.

I didn't blame him.

"I..."

"Look." He said, obviously annoyed with me now. "I complimented your drawing, so now you say thank you."

I stared at him.

He sighed. "Okay then."

I blinked, eyed still wide. Mentally giving myself Rallies for not talking to him. I could feel my heart beating faster as I continued to look at him. He had gone back to his own drawing. One of a beautiful meadow with a deer family in the middle.

Taking a deep breath, I choked out an actual response.

"Thank you, I-I like your drawing t-to..." I took a quick glance at the top of his paper, seeing his name. "...gene!"

He stopped drawing. Staring at me blankly. "It's Jean."

"Huh?..."

"It's pronounced Jean. It's French."

I mentally added six tallies.

"Oh... I'm sorry..."

Jean leaned back in his chair, rolling his eyes as he did so. "Whatever."

Good job Armin, someone actually talked to you and you made a fool of yourself.

Wait...

Someone talked to you...

Willingly.

My eyes widened, and I stared at Jean. Shock taking over my body. Jean had talked to me willingly... Something no one has down since Eren and Mikasa had left...

"You... Talked to me..."

"Uh, yeah?... That's what people do when they want to communicate with each other."

He was a bit of a jerk, but he seemed kind of nice.

Sorta.

"Right... Just, many people don't talk to me..."

"I can tell. Your social skills are way below average." He snorted.

I shrunk back. Maybe I should just shut up? It was a one time thing, and I ruined it by pronouncing his name wrong. Three more tallies for me.

"...but, it's also kind of funny."

I looked up.

"And I'm lonely, my bestfriend got into Rose private school and I'm stuck here in Trost public school... So, I'm going to give you a shot. It's obvious you don't have friends anyway."

"I... I don't know how to take that... But okay."

I had a friend.

A real life friend, that asked me sort of to be friends.

I couldn't believe it.

He gave me a little smile. His eyes lighting up an little bit with humor.

"You like what you see are Something?"

"W-what?" My face heated up.

He smirked at me. "You've been staring at me for about three minutes."

"I-I no! I-im not... I-I mean, I'm not into guys!"

He gave a small chuckle, shaking his head. "I'm just messing with ya, Blondie."

"Blondie?..."

"Well, yeah. You still haven't told me your name."

I mentally face palmed.

"Armin."

Jean nodded. "Alright, nice to meet you Armin."

"Nice to meet you too, Gene."

He stared at me, and a gave him a small, shy smile.

"It's Jean."

I laughed softly.

"I know."


	4. The Lame Squad

Jean and I met up after school, my dad had left for the evening and I was hoping he wouldn't be back for a few days. Hopefully, I wouldn't get a beating... Even if I did deserve it.

I met Jean at an old diner called The Corps. It was an old fashioned diner ran by a man named Erwin Smith. His adopted son Levi Ackerman, also worked here as a waiter. I knew Levi a bit, since he was Eren's crush of six years, and a senior at Trost. Eren would often drag me and a fuming Mikasa here just to make a fool of himself when Levi walked over to take our orders...

Good times.

I thought about them again...

Three more tallies.

I sighed, looking at Jean who was sitting across from me. His eyes scanning the worn menu, trying to decide what he wanted.

Levi walked over, his normal done expression on his face. He looked bored, a monotone tone evident. "May I take your order?"

I stuttered out my usual order of small fries and a small sprite. While Jean ordered a large everything off the menu.

Levi wrote down our orders, obviously glad to not have to talk to us anymore. He walked towards the kitchen, yelling to Erwin about having two more orders and that he needed to "Hurry the fuck up, I want to go the fuck home."

I smiled slightly, Levi is actually pretty comical. His completely done with everyone and everything attitude was pretty halarious.

I heard Jean chuckle, shaking his head while he listened to Levi.

"He must be a joy at parties."

I giggled, looking at Jean. I noticed how pretty his eyes where, and how tone his arms where. The shirt he was wearing was awfully tight and revealed quite a bit of muscle when he moved in any way. He was actually quite attractive, most likely popular with the ladies.

"Yo, Earth to Armin."

I shook my head. "Huh?..."

"I said do you come here often?"

I stared at him for a second, realizing I had spaced out thinking about him. My face heating up a little, as I stared.

"Was that your attempt at a pick up line?"

We both jumped, looking up at Levi who had our food on a Tray. He looked bored, completely done with us.

"W-what?" Jean chokes out.

"Look. I understand, I'm also very gay, but try not to have eye sex here. It is a public place after all."

My face flushed. Eyes wide as I stared at Levi. He thought we where gay?... And on a date? Oh my god...

"N-No, Levi, we aren't... I'm not g-gay..." I whispered.

"Really?" Levi asked, head cocking and raising an eyebrow. "You both seem pretty gay to me. I have an amazing gaydar after all... Being gay myself."

"I'm not! We're not dating!" I hissed, blushing harder and putting my face in my hands. People where looking now.

Six more tallies for me.

Better sharpen the knife tonight.

"Well, your gaydar is most likely going off because of me..." Jean muttered, looking down at the table.

My head shot up, as I looked at him. Levi nodding a bit before setting our food down and casually sliding in the booth next to Jean.

"Uh..." Jean mumbled.

"Hi." Levi said casually, taking one of Jeans French fries and eating it. "How ya doing?"

I blinked.

He just... Sat down...

And ate Jean's food...

After assuming we where both gay, and on a date...

Well then.

"Um..." I muttered, watching as Levi took another French fry. "What are you?..."

He shrugged, muttering something about how he was bored. His expression still seemingly done with everything.

"Oh."

Jean kind of laughed. Shaking his head at Levi. "You're a strange one, you know?"

"Yep. Probably why I don't have any friends."

Awe.

I relate a little to well.

Jean raised an eyebrow, tilting a head. Mumbling sarcastically. "And here I thought you where a social butterfly."

"Ha ha, very funny Kirchstien."

I laughed quietly, taking a sip of my drink. Watching as the two messed with each other, throwing sarcastic comments back and forth.

"So, Levi..." I started, feeling slightly bad for interrupting his and Jean's banter.

"Do you want too... Be friends with me and Jean?... If Jean considers me a friend of whatever..."

Levi seemed to think it over, before finally nodding in agreement. "Sure, I'll join you two losers."

Jean rolled his eyes, shaking his head at me. "Oh, good job Blondie. You let Captian dork join us."

Oh... Did Jean and Levi not like eachother?... Did I start something?... Crap, that means five more ta-

"But I guess, I can deal with him... For you."

I froze, feeling myself smile. I made two friends today... And even though I doubt they'll stay when they find out about my home life...

It feels nice.

"We can be the lame squad. Since all of us are losers and lame." Levi joked.

"We could make ourselves a gang, give ourselves gang names." Jean laughed. "Blondie, shawty, and the amazing, handsome, wonderful-

" -annoying, horse-faced dumbass."

Jean gasped, faking hurt. "How dare you!"

I laughed softly. Shaking my head at the two.

Jean turned to me, pouting. "Armiiiiiin, Levi is bullying me."

Levi scoffed, hiding a smile as Jean continued to whine.

"Levi, you better quit before Armin beats you up."

My eyes widened, as memories of my father beating me blurred my vision. Getting up, I stumbled toward the bathroom. Dizzy and feeling sick.

"Armin?..." Levi muttered, as I reached the bathroom. "You okay, man?..."

I gagged quietly, leaning against the door shaking. "F-Fine... Just going to the b-bathroom."

"You sure, man?" Jean asked, concern in his voice.

"Y-Yeah... I'll be right back..." I walked in, locking the door to the single bathroom. I slid down the door, and sobbed. Shaking badly, my heart and head pounding.

I couldn't breathe as the images took over my vision. I put my head in between my legs, trying to calm my breathing.

Why did I have to have a panic attack now?... I was having fun for once, dammit!

There was a soft knock, Jean and Levi's wafted through the door. Both expressing concern.

"I-Im okay... Just, give me a second." I breathed out, my voice shaky.

"No, you aren't." Jean said. I could hear the sound of footsteps walking away. Levi must of already given up on me...

I don't blame him.

Jean continued to bother me, talking to me through the door and being annoying as possible...

That was mean, Armin.

Three more tallies.

I continued to try and calm my breathing, until finally I heard the chiming of keys. The door was unlocked, and I moved out of the way so the door wouldn't hit me. Levi walked in, followed by Jean.

I flinched when Jean hugged me, before slowly wrapping my arms around him. Levi leaned against the wall, looking at me curiously. A hint of concern on his face.

"What happened, Blondie?..." Jean mumbled, pulling me closer.

"Panic attack, I get them often..." I muttered. No point in lying to them.

Levi nodded. "Thought so, my friend Isabel use to get them..." A look of sadness spread over his face, before he went back to his normal Bored expression.

Suddenly, something clicked in my brain from earlier. I looked at Jean, eyes a bit wide. "You're gay."

Jean blinked, chuckling slightly. "Yeah... That was a bit random... But yeah, I'm gay."

I looked at Levi. "And you're gay."

"Very."

Jean looked at me. "So, you're the only straight one, huh?"

"Bi." I say. "With a preference for males."

Levi cocked his head. "Really?... "

I laugh, shaking my head. "I'm joking." I giggle shakily. "I'm straight."

Levi shook his head. "You look to gay to like women."

I gave him a look, rolling my eyes. Calming down from my earlier episode. "Thanks."

"No problem."

Jean ruffled my hair, helping me up. Smiling at me, before walking out. Levi close behind.

I smile to myself, looking at the two gays I just made friends with.

I think I'm going to be alright.

For now.


	5. Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

December 5th

It had been two months since I had become friends with Jean and Levi. They still hadn't caught on to my home life, and I'm fine with that.

My dad has been gone for about two days now, so I wasn't worried about spending time with my two friends. It had snowed the night before, and we where hanging out behind Levi's house. Playing around in the snow, and just having fun.

I yelped, feeling a snowball hit my back. Turning around, I saw Jean laughing. Levi was off to the side, sitting down in the snow.

"He's a noisy one, Jeanie Beanie." Levi joked, sending a suggestive look towards Jean. My face heated up, and I turned away.

"Leviiii" I groaned.

He smiled innocently. "You should be groaning Jean's name, not mine."

My face got redder. "Oh my god... Actually stop it right now."

He rolled his eyes, chuckling softly. Suddenly shooting up when Jean walked over, and trew him over his shoulder.

"Hey! What the hell horse boy?!" He yelled, struggling to get out of Jeans grip.

Jean grinned evilly, walking over to a large snow bank. Throwing Levi in, causing the small ebony to completely disappear under the snow.

Levi popped up, eyes wide in shock. I laughed softly, as Jean cry-laughed so hard hs doubled over.

"I'm dying, oh my god!" Levi groaned dramatically, falling backwards into the snow bank. His arms flailing wildly as he continued. "You've fucking killed me you horse bastard!"

I laughed, hard. Falling onto my butt, watching Levi roll around. Yelling about how he was dying, and how it was all Jean's fault.

Suddenly, the failing stopped, and Levi Sat up. Fury burning in his eyes, Jean gulped. Laughter gone.

"A-Armin... Help..." Jean whispered, looking back at me. I smiled apologetically. "What color coffin do you want?"

"Pink, I think that might just be gay enough."

"Noted."

Suddenly, there was the cracking of knuckles, and Jean was on the ground. Levi playfully hitting him in the face.

"How." Smack.

"Ow."

"Dare." Smack.

"Ow."

"You." Smack

"Oooow"

"Throw me." Smack.

"Ooooooooow!"

I giggled, before pulling Levi off of Jean. I yelped, tripping over Levi's foot, and falling on top of Jean.

When my eyes opened, I was met with hazel ones. Since I was so close, I noticed the little gold and green flecks around Jean's pupil, and the smile lines making his eyes crinkle at the edges. He had a tiny bit of freckles on the bridge of his nose, the kind you wouldn't notice unless you where inches away from him. I could feel his firm body underneath mine, and his strong, muscular arms wrapped around my waist. My own arms gripping onto his, once again, tight shirt. This one a light blue turtle neck...

"Oh my god, guys, stop eye fucking and just get it on already."

That snapped me out of my trance, my face flushing when I realized I was straring at Jean again. This time, our noses just centimeters apart.

Jean blushes too, but neither of us moved. We continued to stare, waiting for someone to break the ice.

Levi walked up, pulling something out of his pocket and hanging it over our heads, dramatically acting as if he hadn't just done this. "Oh, looks like you're under the mistletoe~ You know what that means~"

Oh my god...

He didn't just...

My face turned tomato red, Jean also took on a light blush. I could hear Jeans slow breathing as he leaned up, my face turning a darker red.

What was he doing?

Oh my god, my first kiss can't be with a guy! I'm straight!

I panicked slightly, wanting so desperately to get out of Jean's warm, and muscular embrace. But, that was rude, and I didn't want to earn more tallies.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I waited for him to kiss me... But, it never came.

Well, at least, not on my lips.

He gave me a quick peck on the cheek, causing my blush to go to my ears. Levi pouted, obviously disappointed we hadn't started making out and fucking in the snow.

Jean Sat up, with me still in his lap. Lifting me up slightly, he placed me on the snow next to him. Sighing, he stood up, shaking his head and trying to fight a smile.

"I gotta go guys, it's dinner time."

Levi nodded. "Yeah, I better get going too... I gotta go help Erwin clean up."

I gave them both a parting wave, before making my way home. Looking at my watch, I realized it was rather late... Five PM to be exact. I looked up, noticing the sun starting to set once I got to our drive way.

My eyes widened, noticing the beat up white car in the drive way.

Dad was home.

Oh god.

Maybe he'll be asleep, and I can sneak by... I opened the door quietly. Looking around, noticing him passed out on the couch.

I gave a small sigh of relief, quickly and quietly walking up the stairs. I was home free.

Then, I tripped.

I fell backwards all the way down the stairs, a loud thud sounding when I hit the floor at the bottom.

I heard rustling, and saw my father's phone hit he ground. His head phones unplugging, the song "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" blaring out.

My father came into veiw, growling, before lifting me up from the ground.

 _ **Have a holly Jolly Christmas**_

He slammed my face into a couch cushion. Sitting on my back so I couldn't get up.

 _ **It's the best time of the year**_

Tears fell, and my vision blurred as pain consumed me. My father bending my arm, causing it to dislocate. I screamed.

 _ **I don't know, if there'll be snow**_

Getting off me, he yanked me up, shoving me into a wall.

 **but have a cup of cheer**

He punched me hard, I heard my nose crack. Blood gushing out, mixing with my tears.

 _ **Have a holly, jolly Christmas;**_

 _ **And when you walk down the street**_

He threw me to the ground, my face hit the coffee table and busted my lip.

 _ **Say Hello to friends you know**_

 _ **and everyone you meet**_

He kicked me hard in the stomach, sending me tumbling into the wall.

 _ **Oh ho**_

 _ **the mistletoe**_

 _ **hung where you can see;**_

He growls, stepping on my chest. Pressing down, so I can't breathe.

 _ **Somebody waits for you;**_

 _ **Kiss her once for me**_

My eyes widened, vision blurring. Struggling to breathe.

 _ **Have a holly jolly Christmas**_

 _ **and in case you didn't hear**_

I whimpered, trying my best to breath.

 _ **Oh by golly**_

He grabs a beer bottle, smashing it against the wall, before pulling up my sleeve. Carving something into my skin.

 _ **have a holly**_

 _ **jolly Christmas this year**_

I looked down, tears falling hard. Etched into my forearm in huge, bloody letters, was the word unwanted.


	6. The Park

_I felt the older woman's hands slide up my shirt. Tears fell, as I moved to get away. My father's grip tightened on my wrists, and I cried out in pain. Obviously exciting the woman even more._

 _I heard the soft moan of one of my father's friends, watching what was going on. I whimpered, bucking my hips upwards, trying to shake my father's arms away so I could escape. I sobbed, feeling the woman's hands touch my inner thigh. Squeezing my legs together to try and get her away. The woman licked her lips, pure lust in her eyes as she watched me struggle._

 _Moving her hand up, she slipped it into the waist line of my boxers. My eyes widened, and I sobbed. Struggling greatly, and fighting against it._

 _"That's enough."_

 _The woman removed her hands, looking up at my father. Who had told the woman to stop, she was obvious very turned on, and ready to go._

 _My father let go of Me, pushing me off the counter. I landed up my stomach, shaking from what just happened._

 _I watched my father drag the woman who had just been all over me, into the bedroom, his three Friends that had come to watch the show following. Closing the door and locking it behind them._

[Boi]

That was the hours ago. My father and his friends had long gone, probably out to drink. I sighed, looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, as ugly as usual.

My hair was messy, and probably needed a wash. My skin was pale, and my eyes where wide, pupils dilated. I was shaking badly, and finally noticed the tears falling down my cheeks.

I took in a shaky breath, head and heart throbbing. My legs threatening to give out. I sniffle, and the mental image of the woman pushing me onto the table, and whispering in my ear...

"This'll be our little secret~"

I collapsed, sobbing onto the ground. Suddenly, I was screaming, and slamming my head against the counter as image after image of the woman and my father's freinds took over my vision.

I shakily opened the cabinet, pulling out a bottle of aspirin. I poured the whole bottle into my hands, and lifted it towards my mouth.

I couldn't do this anymore.

I had to escape this hell.

And this was the only way.

I had the pills in my mouth, and was ready to swallow, when...

My phone went off.

Shakily, I took it out of my pocket, looking at the message on the screen.

 **Text from: Jean Kirchstien**

 **Subject: hi (:**

 **Message: Hey man, I'm bored, and Levi is being stupid and not answering his phone. So, you wanna go hang out? We could go to the park, kids shouldn't be there since it's like, 12 am xD**

I blinked, pills still in my mouth. Staring down at the message. My eyes wide, hands still shaking.

Jean... Wanted to hang out with me...

I spit the pills out, sniffling. A small smile forming on my face, along with a small blush.

Wait...

A blush?

Why have I been blushing around Jean so much, anyway? I'm straight, I like girls...

Or do I?...

I quickly typed out a quick reply, waiting Jean's response.

 **Reply: Armin Arlert**

 **Message: Sure, the park sounds fun.**

 **Reply: Jean Kirchstien**

 **Message: yes! I can't wait! See ya there, Blondie!**

I felt the blush get hotter, and my smile get bigger as I stared at the message.

Maybe, I'm not as straight as I thought I was...

I pictured the small kiss on the cheek Jean had given me in my head. Remembering his strong arms wrapped around my waist...

And then, the image of him shirtless and slamming me against a wall. Kissing and biting at my neck took over.

I flushed, eyes wide.

Oh my god...

I am very, very gay...

I groan, hitting my head against the door. Remembering all of Levi's sex jokes, and a weird feeling buzzing in my stomach.

I shook my head, getting up and cleaning myself up a bit. I changed into some skinny jeans and a My Chemical Romance hoodie before walking out the door to meet Jean at the park.

Where we'd be alone.

Together.

I'm the dark.

My face flushed again, a few more... Sexual, images popping into my head.

I wonder if Jean had a six pack like I imagined...

I bet I could make up some excuse to get him shirtless...

Wow, that sounded rape like.

I wouldn't rape Jean, though... No.

He tops.

I stopped, realizing what I just thought. Face flushed, and a stunned look on my face.

Jesus Christ, Armin. You've been gay for ten minutes and you already know what postion you want during sex.

I shook my head, continuing to walk to the park. I saw Jean sitting by the pond, and walked over to him.

"Yo, Jean!" I called out.

His head snapped up, and he smiled at me. Standing up, and pulling me into a hug.

I flushed red, luckily the dark covered it up. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into his chest. Tears threatening to spill over, as the events from earlier filled my mind.

What if Jean finds out, tells Levi, and they leave you?

What if Jean finds out you like him, and hates you?

What if he's disgusted when he finds out? What if he tells the whole school?

Jean pulled away first, smirking at me.

"So, Armin..."

I looked up, curious to where this was going.

"...you ever been skinny dipping?"

My eyes widened, a small blush forming. "N-No?..."

"Would you like too?"

My face flushed, many dirty images of what could happen flooding my mind. I stared up at the taller teen, before nodding my head slowly.

He grinned, removing his shirt.

He had a six pack.

I flushed.

I continued to watch Jean strip down, and get into the pond. He shivered, the water still ice cold since it was still December and all.

I slowly went to remove my clothes, when I remembered.

The scars. The bruises.

I looked at Jean, who was looking at me curiously. Still shivering.

"Jean, you're going to die from the cold."

He laughed. "At least I'm dying with you."

I flushed at that.

"Now C'mon, Blondie, strip."

"Why do you sound so eager?"

I swore I saw his face flush. His eyes wide. "I-I uh... Just, don't want to b-be the only one dying."

"I think you just want to see me naked."

"N-No! You're straight..."

That's what he thinks.

"So? Doesn't mean you don't want fanservice."

He flushed harder. I laughed quietly, turning so he couldn't see me. I rolled up my sleeve, and sighed in relief when I realized you couldn't see any of my injuries in the pitch blackness.

Slowly, I took off my clothes. Blushing heavily, when I swear to god, I heard Jean whisper "Damn" when I got down to my underwear.

When I was completely nude, I got in the pond. Blushing as Jean got closer.

"It's freezing, I'm done." I said, crawling out of the pond.

"Awe."

I pulled my boxers on, and sitting at the edge, watched Jean freeze.

"Jean, get out."

"Nah."

"Do you just enjoy the veiw or something?"

He blushed again, his eyes trailing me up and down. My face going a dark shade of red.

"Yes, I very much enjoy the veiw of you almost naked


	7. Ereri nonsense

Three days after the whole skinny dipping incident, Jean was sick with a cold. So, Levi and I decided to visit him and keep him company.

I had come out as gay to them yesterday, both seemed excited. Levi yelling about how his gaydar was always right, to witch I had rolled my eyes.

I currently, was sitting on the ground by Jean's bed. Levi was on Jean's desk, lying on his stomach, and Jean was in bed covered up.

"Ugh, why doesn't anyone love meeeee?" Groaned Levi, flopping down onto the desk.

I cocked my head at him.

"I just want someone to date me, and fuck me."

"Fuck you?"

"Yes, I bottom."

Jean cocked his head at that, eyes a bit wide. "You bottom?"

"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" Challenged Levi.

"No, not at all."

My phone went off. I looked down, eyes widening when I saw who the message was from.

 **From: Eren Yeager**

 **Subject: Finally got international coverage!**

 **Message: ayyye**

I looked up at Levi, and smiled. "Hey, Levi."

He looked up at me.

"I know someone who's been in love with you for six years."

Levi's eyes widened, and he kind of stumbled off the desk. Grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me playfully. "Tell me!"

I giggled. "You know that brunette guy I use to hang out with at the diner? Eren?"

Levi nodded. "Yeah, the cute one."

I smiled, laughing. "It's him."

Levi's eyes widened. "Woah, someone cute likes me."

Jean snorted, rolling his eyes. Also moving closer to us, and at my phone. "Is that him texting you?"

I nod, answering Eren.

Jean smirked, yanking my phone from my hands. I yelped, trying to get it back.

 **Reply: Armin Arlert**

 **Subject: this is Armin's friend Jean**

 **Message: so, I heard you are in love with Levi Ackerman.**

 **Eren: Oh yes, he's hot as fuck.**

 **Armin(jean): He bottoms, ya know (;**

 **Eren: Really?... Holy shit.**

Levi's face flushed, yanking the phone from Jean's hands. Reading over the messages, he groaned. "Oh my god."

I laughed, enjoying the show and Levi's embarrassment. Shaking my head as Jean asked Eren if he'd ever had sexual fantasies about Levi, now acting as if he had given the phone back to me.

 **Eren: Oh yeah, Armin. I've had several.**

 **Armin(Jean): Describe the kinkiest one.**

It was a while, before my phone went off again. A large, descriptive paragraph about Eren's "50 shades of grey" remake starring Levi and him appearing ony phone. Levi was the only one that read it, his eyes where wide and he was flushed down to his neck.

"Oh my god... That's really hot..." He mumbled by the end of it. "Fucking give me his number, holy crap."

I laughed quietly, writing Eren's number on Levi's hand. Taking my phone back, I started a new conversation with Eren. He told me some stuff about Japan, and what he and Mikasa where up too. I told him and Jean, and how I had become friends with Levi. Which he freaked out to, going into fanboy mode.

I laughed at his antics, and and sure enough. Two minutes later Eren texted me.

 **Eren: HOLY FUCK! LEVI FUCKING ACKERMAN TEXTED ME AND SAID I WAS CUTE!**

 **Armin: congrats, man xD**

I looked over Levi's shoulder, looking at the casual conversation going on. Talking about there interests, and finally, Eren asked Levi to go on a Skype date with him.

Levi had a slight blush on his face as he typed out his response, which was yes.

"Levi, don't have Skype sex with him anywhere around here." Jean joked, to witch he got hit in the face with a pillow.

Levi held up his phone, taking a picture of himself flipping off the camera. Sending it to Eren.

"What was that for?" I asked curiously.

He shrugged. "He wanted a contact pic."

I nodded, and heard a ding, a picture of Eren doing a stupid face appeared. Levi shook his head, setting it as Eren's contact photo.

I smiled at Levi, who was smiling down at the phone as he and Eren continued to text. Eventually, I crawled into the bed with Jean. Bored, and wanting to talk.

"Hi."

"Hello."

We stared at eachother for a while, I felt my cheeks heat up a little as he moved ever so closer. He put a hand over mine, and looked into my deeply.

"I know." He said.

"Huh?..."

"I know you cut."

I froze, eyes wide. Levi also looked up, frowning a bit and putting down his phone after telling Eren bye.

"And I don't think of you any differently, Levi doesn't either."

I felt the tears form, staring into Jean's hazel eyes, Terrified. What else did they know? Did they know about the abuse? Did they know about the bullying? My suicide attempts? My mother?

I finally registered that Jean was hugging me, and that I was sobbing. Jean was muttering soothing things into my ear, as he rubbed my back. Pulling me into my lap and cuddling me close.

I sobbed harder, shaking in his arms as he rocked me. Levi got up and put a hand on my shoulder, also trying to say things to calm me down.

"I-I have so many problems..." I whispered. "Y-you shouldn't have to d-deal with me..."

Jean shook his head, hugging me closer. Nuzzling my hair. "No, it's okay... Armin, we're your friends..."

"Y-You shouldn't be."

"But we want to be, Armin."

"But, I have so many problems and-"

Levi stood up, walking in front of us. "We all have problems, Armin."

I looked at him. "You cut, Jean's dad is most Likely a horse-"

"Hey!"

"-and I'm a gay athiest born on Christmas. But the point is, that we are all united by our problems. Fate brought us together, because we are lame ass bitches that are hated by everyone else."

I sniffled, laughing weakly.

"Not only are we lame ass bitches. But we are also GAY lame ass bitches. Feared by Christians, and popular people all around the world."

I wiped my eyes, and Jean snorted softly.

"So, today. We stand together. United by our flamboyance, and our amazing sense of fashion."

I laughed quietly, cuddling closer to Jean.

"The point I'm trying to get to is, that we are all gay, we are all lame, we are all hated, and we are honestly just a huge waste of space. But, we should take pride in annoying the shit out of the normal, striaght people. Because no one can make them more bitchy and twist there panties up tighter than us."

That's when me and Jean lost it, bursting into laugher, falling back.

"O-oh my god..." Jean laughed, holding his stomach.

"There are also three of us, which means we are a trio, also, we can make a triangle and become the gay Illuminati."

I laughed harder, as Levi then proceeded to put us in triangle formation. "Yes! Bow down homophobic bitches! We are the gay Illuminati! The new gods!'

Jean cocked his head, looking at Levi for a long, long time. "But... You're an athiest."

Levi glared at him playfully. "Don't ruin this for me!"

Jean laughed, and I rolled my eyes at Levi's antics. Giggling as he and Jean got into a play fight on the ground. I wiped the last few tears from my eyes, and smiled at my friend's.

Yeah, I think I'm going to be okay...


	8. Goodbye, Jean

"I'm sorry Jean, but I can't hang out today..." I whispered, looking up at the brunette. His eyes furrowed, and he gave me a look that made me flinch.

I had been skipping out having fun with my two friends lately because of my father. The beatings had gotten worst, and I could barely get through a school day with my injuries, let alone extra hours with Jean and Levi. I felt terrible about it, but, it's what I had to do.

"And why not?"

"I-I... I just can't..." I whispered, looking at the ground. It was just me and Jean, in front of the school. Levi was at the diner, and most of the other highschoolers where already gone or in the back practicing there extracurricular activities.

"You better give me a better excuse than that, Armin."

I shrunk back. "I'm sorry, I can't..."

"And why the not?"

I flinched, nothing Jean's tone go from questioning to anger.

It reminded me a lot of my father.

He stepped closer, getting in my face. I whimpered quietly, as he started on his rant.

"What? Why can't you?! Why do you suddenly decide to stop hanging out with me?! Huh?! Do you think you're to good for me?! Is that it?!"

My breathing got faster, as he continued to yell. My body shaking as I started to back away. Eyes wide, and scared.

He was acting to much like my father.

"Because, you aren't!"

I looked up at him, his hazel eyes I once thought where gorgeous, now steely and cold. He glared down at me, hate burning in his eyes. "I never even wanted to be friends with you in the first place!"

I froze, gasping quietly. "W-what?..."

"The school made me, Armin! I got in trouble last year, and instead of getting suspended, I have to spend the year with you! Because the school has this stupid 'everyone needs a friend' tactic going on!" He yelled, looking me right in the eyes.

I felt the tears fall fast. My breathing getting heavy and fast.

He hated me.

The person I cherished the most, hated me. He didn't even want to be friends. He only talked to me so he wouldn't be suspended.

Everything had been a lie.

A goddamn lie.

"I mean, why would I willingly be friends with you, Armin?! Huh?! Look at you! Do you know how fucking annoying you are?!"

I know, Jean. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry I waisted you, and Levi's time. I'm sorry I'm such a goddamn waste of space. I'm so sorry.

"You cry all the time! You either cling to me, or never want to be around me! Your laughter is probably the most annoying thing I've ever heard! Why the hell, would I willingly be friends with you?!"

I couldn't breathe, a sob catching in my throat. My whole world was coming to an end.

Jean hated me.

I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. Tears falling down my face as I sobbed. "I-Im so sorry, Y-You had to deal with me." I whispered.

His face softened, and guilt laced his tone. "Armin..."

Then, I was running. Fast, turning corners, and slipping. Tears falling in fast streams as I ran towards home.

I wanted my beating tonight.

I deserved it.

It started raining, halfway to my house. I slipped, face planting on the side walk. Blood gushed out of my nose as I lay there in fetal position. The rain pouring down on my body as sobs racked my small form.

Everything Jean had told me...

Everytime he had held me...

Told me I was funny, and an amazing friend, one of his Bestfriends...

He had been lying.

Of course he had been, like he said... Who would want to be friends with me?...

I was ugly, annoying, I cried to much, I kept so many things from them.

I was worthless.

I was disgusting.

I was horrible.

And I was unwanted.

Unwanted by Jean, Levi, my dad... Myself.

I sobbed harder, hating myself with every ounce of my being. Wanting nothing more than to be killed right now, that's all I was asking for.

"S-someone please... K-kill m-me..." I whispered quietly into the dark, and empty city. "I-I'm begging you... P-please..."

Suddenly, I noticed a piece of glass glinting next to a trash can a few yards away. I sat up, like a starving animal finding food.

God had answered my prayers.

I got up quickly, desperately running, and stumbling toward the shard of glass. A smile spreading over my face as I sobbed, picking it up off the ground.

I could finally rid myself from this hell, I didn't have to bother Jean anymore. I didn't have to bother Levi, of my father. I dont have to burden everyone with my existence anymore.

I no longer had to be unwanted.

I have never, in my life, experienced the happiness I felt when I slit my wrists, and watched the blood drips onto the side walk.

I let out a small giggle, as I stumbled forward, vision getting blurry as the blood poured out of my wrists.

I noticed I was in front of the diner, and I saw Levi through the window, serving a table.

I smiled, sniffling as I fell to my knees, and slumped to the ground. Vision fading into white, and black.

Finally, I didn't have to bother these people anymore.

Finally, they would be free to be happy, and wouldn't have Ms to hold them back.

They won't have to deal with my crying, and my annoyingness.

The wont have to deal with seeing my ugly face everyday.

They don't have to deal with my problems, or my breakdown.

My worthlessness

My terrible personallity.

And I, as selfish as I am. As selfish as this sounds.

I, won't have to feel unwanted anymore.

And that thought, is why when I finally passed out.

A faint smile was visible on my face.


	9. Levi's house

I groaned, my eyes opening. My vision was blurry and my head throbbing. I couldn't tell where I was, or why I was so cold...

"Armin!"

I looked towards the muffled voice, and saw the blurry outline if Levi. He was over me, sounded like he was crying...

Wait...

Levi Ackerman crying?...

I blinked several times, trying to clear my vision. The opposite happened, and made the form of Levi's body get even blurrier.

Suddenly, I became aware of pressure on my wrists. Like someone was holding a cloth down.

But why?...

Why where they doing that?...

Suddenly, the fight with Jean flooded back to memory, seeing Levi through the window of the diner flashed through my mind. Then, I remembered...

I had tried to kill myself.

Because Jean hated me.

I shot up, hearing Levi gasp. My vision clearing enough to see his shocked expression, and the tear tracks on my face. I looked around, and suddenly...

I broke.

I sobbed hard and curled in on my self.

I couldn't even fucking kill myself dammit.

How worthless do you have to be to not even be able to fucking kill yourself?!

I clawed at my face as I sobbed, A panic attack starting.

Why couldn't I have just died?!

I felt blood drip down my face, my nails must have clawed through the skin... I continued to sob and claw until I felt my hands be forced down. I opened my eyes, and were met with grey, watery ones.

Levi sniffled, and looked at me. "Why did you do this to yourself?..." He whispered, a confused and almost... Hurt... Expression on his face.

"J-Jean hates me..." I choked out. Saying it out loud hurt worst than just thinking it. I sobbed harder, looking at Levi. "H-He was only friends w-with me... Because the school made him..."

Levi's expression suddenly went from sad and confused to pure rage. "That fucking dumbass told you that?" He hissed, bangs calling in front of his eyes.

I nodded, my sobs getting quieter. "A-and its probably the s-same for you..."

"No. It's not... I told you. I have no one else besides you guys..."

I looked at him, sniffling.

"And Jean... Yes, he told me... Originally it was just because of the school making him..."

I whimpered, tears starting to fall faster.

"... But... He also told me, that since you two started being friends... He's never been happier."

"What?..."

Levi looked at me. "He's glad to be friends with you, Armin... He told me himself..."

I shook my head no, looking towards the ground. "He's a good liar..."

"You can't fake the happiness that shines in his eyes whenever you walk in the room."

I was quiet for a while, before I sniffled and got up off of Levi's bed. I gave him a quick hug, before walking towards the door. My father shouldn't be home, today. It's a weekend... And the bar is having a special.

"I'm gonna go home..." I whispered. "I need to be alone for a while..."

Levi nodded, giving me a few quick tips on how to keep my scars from infecting and getting worst. I nodded, mentally remembering the instructions before heading out the door.

I struggled home, feeling very tired. It was dark out, and I just wanted to get home. I didn't want to think about today's events anymore...

When I finally got home and into my room, I collapsed onto my bed. Falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I awoke sometime later to the sound of tapping on my window. Struggling to get myself up in my weak state, I sat up. Eyes widening when I saw who was at the window.

It was Jean.

He looked worried and upset. He had a black eye and I'm pretty sure his lip was bleeding. I quickly stumbled towards the window, and opened it.

I was immediately pulled into a tight hug, I barley had time to react as he almost lifted me completely off the ground. My toes barley touching the floor.

I felt Jean bury his face into my hair, and I heard the quick and fast apologies he stuttered out. Tripping over his words, his voice and body trembling.

I suddenly realized I was sobbing, as I wrapped my arms around his body. Whispering out "its okay" and "I shouldn't of taken it so strongly."

He pulled away, looking at me. I finally noticed the tears in his beautiful eyes.

He wiped them away, before pulling me through the window, and pulling me into another tight hug as the moonlight washed over us.

"Wanna go to the park and let me make this up to you?" He whispered, nuzzling my hair.

"Sure." I mumbled back, pulling away, and giving him a weak smile.

He smiled back, and took my hand. Helping me down off the roof.

When we got down, he didn't let go the whole way down the road to the park, and if he had tried...

I wouldn't of let him.


	10. The Gay Chapter

I sat with Jean on a little hill at the park. The moon was shining brightly in the night sky, and thousands of stars glittered I'm the night.

"Isn't that the uh... Little Dipper?" Jean asked, pointing to a group of stars.

I laughed quietly, shaking my head. "That's Orion, silly."

Jean opened his mouth to retort, but quickly shut it. Turning from me and pouting.

I giggled, shaking my head. Looking back up at the stars, and seeing how many constellations I could find.

After a while of comfortable silence, I turned to Jean. I stopped as I noticed he was staring at me. He had a faint blush on his face, and a glazed look in his eyes.

I could feel my face heat up as he scanned my face, his face growing a darker red.

My heart started bearing faster when I felt his fingers brush mine. Our eyes widened, and we flushed, I looked away. "S-sorry..."

Suddenly, I felt his fingers under my chin. He lifted my face so we where staring at each other. Our faces tomato red.

"Don't turn away from me, Blondie... I want to see your beautiful eyes..."

My heart caught in my throat as we stared at each other for what seemed like eternity. The moonlight shining on us both as the cold air blew through the air.

I felt Jean's free hand brush my bangs back, his other hand was still occupied with holding my face.

"Have I ever told you that I think you're gorgeous, Armin Arlert?"

"H-huh?..."

And then, he kissed me.

My eyes widened in shock, and I gasped softly, before I slowly began to kiss back.

My fingers found themselves tangled in jeans brunette hair, Jean's arms slipped around my waist. Our kiss deepened, as did the flush on my face.

Slowly, Jean pulled away. Our lips centimeters apart. "Sorry... My lips slipped." Be whispered, grinning at me.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt, our lips barely touching. Out noses touched, and my knees where in between his legs.

"Shut up and kiss me you loser." I whispered, before yanking him closer by his collar and attacking his lips.

He yelped in surprise, before grinning into the kiss. He fell forwards, pinning me underneath him. His fingers between my thighs and the ground.

I let out a soft sound as he bit my lip, and he lifted up my legs to wrap around his waist. My fingers tangled in his hair as he broke the kiss and started planting butterfly kisses down my neck.

"I love you..." He whispered in my ear, my face flushed.

"I-I love you too..."

 **A/N: AHHHH! THEY'RE FINALLY GAY AF! XD Anyway, yes, there WILL be a smut chapter. Also, I'm sorry this one was short, I wanted it to be to the point and not over kill... So, that's what I did xD**


	11. The Teen

I sniffled, looking at the price of ramen noodles at the Walgreen's down the street from my house. My father hadn't been home for almost a month now, and the little amount of food at my house was gone and I was starving.

I had asked my now boyfriend, Jean, for money twice already. I'm sure he would get suspicious if I asked for a third time... It was the same situation with Levi.

I dug in my pockets and dug out a dollar and twenty cents. The most I could buy here was a pack of gum, witch I doubt would deprive me from my hunger.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I made my way out the door. I small sob escaped my lips as I stumbled home, vision blurry from the tears.

"Hey, Armin!"

I looked up and saw Levi running towards me from the diner. His waiter apron still on, and blowing in the wind. He gave me a small smile, not noticing my tears as the day started fading to night around us.

He cocked his head curiously. "What're you doing out so late?" He asked, his hair falling to the left and covering his eye.

"Oh, um... Taking a walk..."

He nodded, giving me a small half smile. "Mind if I joined you?"

Yes.

"Not at all." I fake smiled at him.

We started back towards my street. Talking about nothing in particular, Levi trying to throw in a few jokes here and there. He managed to make me smile a little, which was a nice plus.

"So, like, if a man and a woman have sex with a panda then-"

"Give me everything you've got!"

We both jumped, looking ahead of us. There was a grungy looking teen in front of us, he had messy, dirty blonde hair and his clothes seemed to be covered in dried mud and ripped in places. His hands where shaking, and he had tears in his eyes.

He also had a gun in his hand.

I stared at the gun, frozen with fear. My eyes shifted to Levi, who had a strangely calm look on his face as he stared at the teen.

"Hey, buddy." He started... Sympathy?... In his voice. "Put the gun down..."

I stared at Levi, eyes wide as he calmly walked towards the kid. The teen shook, his eyes also wide and watching Levi.

"Look, I've been in your shoes before, man... But you need to lower the gun... Mugging people is not the right thing to do..."

Slowly, the mugger lowered the gun. His eyes fixated on Levi's. Levi gave the kid a small, warm, half smile...

The kid looked like he was going to leave, and I smiled. Of course Levi got us out of this situation!

The kid started to leave, before he suddenly turned around as a cat ran behind him. He shot, his eyes wide...

And Levi collapsed, a blood pool forming around his body.

The teen bolted, leaving me to stare at Levi's motionless body.


End file.
